I'm a giver, always a giver..

2.51am, 24th July 2oo9
London, Rainy day

I am an ultimate giver, and I like it that way. I'd rather be known as a person who gives than one who takes. A few of the people in my life are takers, and that way of life seems to work for them. Yes, life gets lopsided from time to time. My feelings get hurt when I am slighted, or forgotten, but to me, giving feels better than receiving.
What I have learned of takers, is the more a giver gives, the more a taker expects. Where two givers bend over backwards for each other, two takers enter the boxing arena daily.

Do I seem a tad bitter from my decades of giving? Well it's only a moment of estrogen infusion, I'll be back to my giving self within a minute or two of writing this post. After all, I said I was a giver not a blatant fool.

So where as givers enjoy giving, I must wonder does a taker enjoy taking? Of course.

For me I rather be a giver, because it makes me feel good, disappointments and all. Perhaps I have my moments with self esteem. Don't we all? When I'm giving, I'm not overcompensating or attempting to win someone over. I just like giving plain and simple. Personality labels are sewn on from childhood with threads too thick to break. A giver versus a taker in life's arena generally end up on a one-way street to married to each other. Now there's a road this giver rather not take.

I am easily happy for people who finally achieved what they need to achieve, what they have been craving for. That is because I believe that it is very important to get what you want out of life. To be able to achieve your dream.

I was once in the position, I was once fighting for what I wanted in life, my dream career. I've been through the thick and thin. Stop asking me why am I doing all these... It's not a big favor from me but I hope they do help you a bit..
I'm happy for you... Now, your real world has begin!

Are you the Giver?

The Givers- They are people who give from their hearts without thinking of him or herself or what they will have to give up or what they will do without because of others. They expect nothing in return. Not a thank you or a pat on the back not a good job or endless praise for what they have done.

They give without string without malice without thinking of what is in it for me. They simply fade into the shadows of our life and we don't even know they are there until we need something. Then they are always the first person we call. Without realizing it, we have taken advice or money or emotions from them and then we are on our merry way until the next crises. Their wells overflow with love and joy and are easily accepted at all gathers. They walk through the door with a smile that radiates love and warmth. They attract people like magnets because there cup overflows and everyone wants to touch the love that feels so close to heaven. They are always so positive and upbeat they can change the atmosphere in room instantly. Hardly ever does a bad word escape their lips without instant regret for injury they have cause another. When they leave, you feel happy and joyous of their visit and it may linger for a time if it's not stomped out by the takers. They have changed people's life for the better and then are blessed for being a true child of God...

27th June 2009, a miserable day in London...

11.41pm, 21st July 2oo9,
London, Rainy day.





The day when I felt a lil bit of weirdness in my mind, body and heart. Was it because my exams' coming soon? Or is it because of the confession that I have heard? I know I was touched by the words. I just can't resist but to fall in love more and more each day. From day one, I know this relationship is not going anywhere and it will not lead to any good ending.

To be honest, the first two weeks wasn't cool for me. I'm not the kinda person who pushes everything really hard. I hate pressures and tension. I assumed no one likes to be pressured anyway. I was living low and feeling small even now, This is how I was brought up, being taught by three beautiful ladies around me,

My mum, a tough woman who fixes everything herself without anyone's help. She would not say a single word or show any sign even she's in deep pain.
My godmum, she's the lady with full of classy and elegant lifestyle. She's much more like a sister to me. I stay with my godparents on and off now and then.
And my beloved nanny, a peaceful, warm and graceful woman. I have mentioned about her in my second post.

** I guess I just have to remind myself again and again every single day not to be drowned by this..
Pluuff.... Just because of my stupidity, I deserve the pain.. Time heals..

Love ya, nanny! Day 185