It's hard to believe that the aughts, or the zeros, or whatever you want to call the first decade of the 21st century have come to an end. Time is just flying by! I realized that I have not put any pictures on here recently Having been professionally involved with computers for more than a decade, we remember the arrival of Y2K like it was yesterday. Today we'll be celebrating not just a new year but a new decade and I wish all of you the best for the 2010's.
Now I want to take the time now to thank all of my dearest friends during my hard times. I have been struggling to stay strong though I do from time to time let my tears fall in the pain of my loss. But it has been my nanny I have been thinking of so I stay strong for them. And it has been my dearest friends who have said the sweetest things. My friends online and offline have all been there for me every step of the way as we begin our healing process. Friends are the best people to have by your side when something like this happens and I truly hope that everyone has great friends like these.
Tears begin to fall as I think about my nanny and all of the wonderful things my friends have said to me. Thank you all so much for being here for me in my time of need and pain. You are all the best!
And also, a big thank to all my friends in London! It’s been an interesting year. And now, I’m at the end of the storm … the storm before the next calm. Last stretch of finishing with some clients. Finishing all the little details …. before I restart my real business.
I just wanted some virtual hugs from my friends …
Thanks to... Shireen Anne and husband for the help when I was in London, The New Mansion staffs, Norbert, Simone and Amila, thanks for saving my dinner for me when I was back late from work! Thanks to Verica, my lovely room mate, I've shouted so many good things about her the last post, Bee, my big sister in the hostel, Thanks to Renalto for helping me to achieve a mission once, Thanks to the fellow Spanish for being so caring and warm, Cristina, Edu, Alejandro, Thomas, Alfaro, Danny, Jesus, Clara and Blanca, and to Mr. Lebian, Ayman, I love you guys! Thanks to the Mexican! JuanJo and Laura, Lau, thanks for trusting me as your listener and you're always welcome.. Thanks to the Italians! Luca, Cristiana, Giulio and Rocco, you guys are so inspiring. Thank you my lovely schoolmates in ESE London, Sibel, Deniz, Pinar and my lecturers David Shaw, Juan David, Jane Sankar and Tim Jackson. And lastly, thank you for giving me the best memories in 2009.
Happy New Year!
29 December, 2009
22 October, 2009
Here comes another miserable quarter for me... Wondering what should I do.. Wondering how is everything going to be... Should I be worried? Should I let go, again? Should I not put too much hope in it? Anyway, I'll still be here.... waiting, hoping for a better day every single day till there's a voice coming to me, giving me a definite answer.
20 October, 2009
Memories o9
I remember the joy of summer.
I remember the joy of friendship.
I remember the joy of days long past.
I remember the pain of love.
I remember the pain of letting go.
I remember the pain of blending in.
I remember how difficult it was to make new friends.
I remember how difficult it was to make good grades.
I remember how difficult it was to stand out in a crowd.
I remember the best times were with my kindred spirits.
I remember the best times were in the summertime.
I remember the best times were around the dining table.
I remember the worst times were still to come.
I remember the worst times were when I was alone.
I remember the worst times were when faith had deserted me.
I remember the joy of friendship.
I remember the joy of days long past.
I remember the pain of love.
I remember the pain of letting go.
I remember the pain of blending in.
I remember how difficult it was to make new friends.
I remember how difficult it was to make good grades.
I remember how difficult it was to stand out in a crowd.
I remember the best times were with my kindred spirits.
I remember the best times were in the summertime.
I remember the best times were around the dining table.
I remember the worst times were still to come.
I remember the worst times were when I was alone.
I remember the worst times were when faith had deserted me.
16 October, 2009
Pick a Camp!
In every moment we can look for what is right or look for what is wrong. Yet, as we go through our lives and businesses, which perspectives do you think yield the most success and fulfillment?
Life is more rewarding and enjoyable when you quit resisting it. No day will ever be exactly like today. Even with extensive planning, It’s inevitable life will toss you a curve ball or two. When things go wrong, try to laugh and move on. Have faith that your efforts will not go in vain.
Success is dependent upon those standing beside you. Courage is not the understanding of what’s right or wrong.
Where I am at right now, is not the road I planned on taking 6 years ago (Think my map was upside down). Mistakes do happen. I missed every “warning” and “danger” sign along the way. I know I will never win, I‘m ok with that. I don’t need an award or trophy for my efforts; I just want to survive this. Your own attitude, positive or negative effects your future significantly. Make a decision: Tigger or Eeyore - Pick a Camp!
Camp Tigger!
Life is more rewarding and enjoyable when you quit resisting it. No day will ever be exactly like today. Even with extensive planning, It’s inevitable life will toss you a curve ball or two. When things go wrong, try to laugh and move on. Have faith that your efforts will not go in vain.
Success is dependent upon those standing beside you. Courage is not the understanding of what’s right or wrong.
Where I am at right now, is not the road I planned on taking 6 years ago (Think my map was upside down). Mistakes do happen. I missed every “warning” and “danger” sign along the way. I know I will never win, I‘m ok with that. I don’t need an award or trophy for my efforts; I just want to survive this. Your own attitude, positive or negative effects your future significantly. Make a decision: Tigger or Eeyore - Pick a Camp!
Camp Tigger!
05 October, 2009
Dreams + Faith = Beautiful Journey
2.1oam, 5th Oct 2oo9
Malaysia
Having a big dream is exciting. You treasure your dream, make plans on how to get to it, work hard to implement the plans. The dream consumes you.
But when the dream starts to rule your life, you start missing on things: you live in the future, so things happening in today’s world don’t mean anything to you. That’s why today, I thought it’s about time to balance all this talk about dreams, doing more, and making things happen a bit and make a short trip back in time – from tomorrow back to today.
More than anything, this is a reminder to myself not to let my dreams become the only reality – because that would mean losing my life. It’s the journey that matters, not the destination! It is the journey that matters most because the destination may always be changing. Life is really just one big journey with many crossroads along the way... There are times, now and then, when it is quite beneficial to just stop, look around at the beauty in our lives and celebrate how far we have travelled.
Now is one of those moments... These are some 'scary times' we all now live in. You can be full of fear, insecurity and doubt OR you can choose a different path. A path which will help you move forward on your journey successfully and one where you will find yourself looking back later only to realize you came through it all, feeling, thinking and doing, 'better' than ever before.
I am now at the crossroad. At this crossroad, let's take a moment out, be still, take a deep breath, look around at the beauty in our lives, feel gratitude for all we do have and know in our hearts, I will be okay. ;) Enjoy this quiet, peaceful, resting place. We all deserve a break once in a while. So go ahead.... allow yourself this one. I took a detour.
Make stops whenever you need and make detours if you think you have to. Bottom line is, the journey is for us to enjoy. Don’t make it a burden.
Eleanor Roosevelt: "He who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend, loses much more; He who loses faith, loses all."
Malaysia
Having a big dream is exciting. You treasure your dream, make plans on how to get to it, work hard to implement the plans. The dream consumes you.
But when the dream starts to rule your life, you start missing on things: you live in the future, so things happening in today’s world don’t mean anything to you. That’s why today, I thought it’s about time to balance all this talk about dreams, doing more, and making things happen a bit and make a short trip back in time – from tomorrow back to today.
More than anything, this is a reminder to myself not to let my dreams become the only reality – because that would mean losing my life. It’s the journey that matters, not the destination! It is the journey that matters most because the destination may always be changing. Life is really just one big journey with many crossroads along the way... There are times, now and then, when it is quite beneficial to just stop, look around at the beauty in our lives and celebrate how far we have travelled.
Now is one of those moments... These are some 'scary times' we all now live in. You can be full of fear, insecurity and doubt OR you can choose a different path. A path which will help you move forward on your journey successfully and one where you will find yourself looking back later only to realize you came through it all, feeling, thinking and doing, 'better' than ever before.
I am now at the crossroad. At this crossroad, let's take a moment out, be still, take a deep breath, look around at the beauty in our lives, feel gratitude for all we do have and know in our hearts, I will be okay. ;) Enjoy this quiet, peaceful, resting place. We all deserve a break once in a while. So go ahead.... allow yourself this one. I took a detour.
Make stops whenever you need and make detours if you think you have to. Bottom line is, the journey is for us to enjoy. Don’t make it a burden.
Eleanor Roosevelt: "He who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend, loses much more; He who loses faith, loses all."
28 September, 2009
A Spoonful Of Sugar...
8.3oam, 28th September 2009
Sunny, Dubai
I finally experienced an extremely awful moment that I've ever had.. Sunday, before leaving London at 8.4opm.. I took a tube back to the hostel early in the morning, the weather was extremely cold and breezy. It was the worst day I ever had this year. When we're parting, we started to realized how much they mean to us. The tears say it all. It is an emotion that no one can control and you can't hide them no matter how hard you try. It is not that we will not see each other anymore but things do change when as time goes by. I am the kind of person who is afraid to lose the good feeling that I have for friends. For the past 6 months, I have very close mates in the hostel and classmates in school, much more like your own family members.
Sunny, Dubai
I finally experienced an extremely awful moment that I've ever had.. Sunday, before leaving London at 8.4opm.. I took a tube back to the hostel early in the morning, the weather was extremely cold and breezy. It was the worst day I ever had this year. When we're parting, we started to realized how much they mean to us. The tears say it all. It is an emotion that no one can control and you can't hide them no matter how hard you try. It is not that we will not see each other anymore but things do change when as time goes by. I am the kind of person who is afraid to lose the good feeling that I have for friends. For the past 6 months, I have very close mates in the hostel and classmates in school, much more like your own family members.
15 September, 2009
My 25th birthday was full with surprises...
3.50am, London
Rainy, Autumn
On Monday morning, I woke up to my inbox overflowing with messages wishing me a happy birthday, those wishes were also on IMs all day keeping me company, via my Facebook wall and text messages. It was an awesome social media birthday! I’m privileged to have such awesomely-terrific friends! Another year, another birthday. To those who have planned so hard on how to make my birthday joyful and meaningful, thank you for the effort and time. I am officially 25 now. But I guess we all start losing count after 21, don't we? =) Thank you for all those beautiful well-wishes. My 25th birthday was wonderful. It was memorable. I loved every minute. All these year, I've made countless wishes for myself but this year is an exception.
As I mentioned the last post, I did made a few wishes before blowing the candles. And, the elderly says never cut the cake to the bottom as it will cut off the wishes that you just made. So, I just cut first half an inch.. =)
I did not get to say it to you as time doesn't allow me to do so. Here am I sharing the wishes with the ones that I cherish..
First wish,
For myself, I wish to gain back my inner faith, hope and dreams and I am ready to let go.
Second Wish,
To Verica, I wished that you'll have a better health, smooth journey from now on and all the best in your studies. Thanks for being a lovely room mate and now, more like sisters. You can read me very well without me saying a single word. Though we have a total opposite character but we manage to live together for 5 and a half months. Sorry to make you worry about me all this time and thanks for lending me an ear whenever I need a listener. Each of your hugs and kisses means a lot to me.
Third Wish,
To Bee, I wished that you'll find your own path very soon, no more struggling with your inner self. I know you did put a lot of effort on me just to see me being a happy girl that enjoy every moment now and then. I know you want the best for me as a friend or even as a sister. You are always there to dry my tears, you are always ready to listen to all my problems without giving a single comment because you know me very well. Thanks for all the time and attention spent on me.
And Lastly,
To “You”, I wished you all the best in your career and exams, do have faith in yourself and be happy always. May you find the perfect fit one day. I do cherish every moment that I had with you and I will only bring the good ones back with me, leaving the rest here. No matter what is going to happen, I am always here for you to lean on whenever you need to take a break and rest for a second, I'll be your listener to all your troubles and worries.
It's not how long we know each other, it's the things and the experiences that we've been through together matters most.... I treasure..
Thanks for planning so hard just to make my 25th birthday a special one. I could not ask for more now simply because having you guys as friends is more than I deserve.
(Whispering)"Pssssp, Nanny, can you hear me? Make my wishes come true..."
Rainy, Autumn
On Monday morning, I woke up to my inbox overflowing with messages wishing me a happy birthday, those wishes were also on IMs all day keeping me company, via my Facebook wall and text messages. It was an awesome social media birthday! I’m privileged to have such awesomely-terrific friends! Another year, another birthday. To those who have planned so hard on how to make my birthday joyful and meaningful, thank you for the effort and time. I am officially 25 now. But I guess we all start losing count after 21, don't we? =) Thank you for all those beautiful well-wishes. My 25th birthday was wonderful. It was memorable. I loved every minute. All these year, I've made countless wishes for myself but this year is an exception.
As I mentioned the last post, I did made a few wishes before blowing the candles. And, the elderly says never cut the cake to the bottom as it will cut off the wishes that you just made. So, I just cut first half an inch.. =)
I did not get to say it to you as time doesn't allow me to do so. Here am I sharing the wishes with the ones that I cherish..
First wish,
For myself, I wish to gain back my inner faith, hope and dreams and I am ready to let go.
Second Wish,
To Verica, I wished that you'll have a better health, smooth journey from now on and all the best in your studies. Thanks for being a lovely room mate and now, more like sisters. You can read me very well without me saying a single word. Though we have a total opposite character but we manage to live together for 5 and a half months. Sorry to make you worry about me all this time and thanks for lending me an ear whenever I need a listener. Each of your hugs and kisses means a lot to me.
Third Wish,
To Bee, I wished that you'll find your own path very soon, no more struggling with your inner self. I know you did put a lot of effort on me just to see me being a happy girl that enjoy every moment now and then. I know you want the best for me as a friend or even as a sister. You are always there to dry my tears, you are always ready to listen to all my problems without giving a single comment because you know me very well. Thanks for all the time and attention spent on me.
And Lastly,
To “You”, I wished you all the best in your career and exams, do have faith in yourself and be happy always. May you find the perfect fit one day. I do cherish every moment that I had with you and I will only bring the good ones back with me, leaving the rest here. No matter what is going to happen, I am always here for you to lean on whenever you need to take a break and rest for a second, I'll be your listener to all your troubles and worries.
It's not how long we know each other, it's the things and the experiences that we've been through together matters most.... I treasure..
Thanks for planning so hard just to make my 25th birthday a special one. I could not ask for more now simply because having you guys as friends is more than I deserve.
(Whispering)"Pssssp, Nanny, can you hear me? Make my wishes come true..."
14 September, 2009
Allow me to make more wishes this year...for my loved ones..
1.33am, 14th September 2oo9
Cold night, London
I remember when I was young, I used to celebrate my birthday with my family, relatives and close friends, wonderful dinner and beautiful bespoke cake. Since 3 years back, I never have time for my birthday, my family thought that I would celebrate my birthday with friends. Last year, I was on a work trip alone on my birthday. Kris was in town with Elsie and we decided to meet up and we celebrated my birthday in a Italian restaurant. I still remember that day wasn't a good moment for me due to the problems that I had in work and health issues that was bugging me all the time. A lot has changed in the past year or so, for better and worse. Change has touched every aspect of my life, from family and friends, to where I live and work. It’s been a year of loss, anger, sadness, fear and pain. Sometimes a lot of bad things happen at once. There will be times when we feel like the whole world is against us, and things can’t possibly get any worse…and then they will. But, the thing is, there’s always someone, somewhere, who is worse off than we are, as hard as that may be to believe. Putting things in perspective is incredibly powerful. All of this change has caused me to change as well. I’ve learned that we have two choices when it comes to facing life’s obstacles: let them defeat you, or take the opportunity to learn and grow. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, the most difficult experiences of the past year have taught me a lot about myself and made me appreciate all that I have.
This year is no exception, I have too many losses this year. I'm afraid that I couldn't take this any longer. I tried not to upset the people around me especially my room mate, Verica and a good friend that I have made in the hostel, Bee. They have been planning so much how to make my birthday special and meaningful to me since 3 weeks ago, trying to create surpises and secretly plan some itinerary but I do know exactly what they're trying to do for me. I know they want the best for me, wanting me to enjoy my remaining stays here as much as possible, leaving London only with good memories and no tears. It's hard for me to put up a mask some times that I would just stay in my room and wish that I do not have to talk to anyone.
I realized that life is a precious gift. It is beautiful and fulfilling, frustrating and exciting, but it is also unpredictable. So, make every moment count, and don’t take anything or anyone for granted. Stop making excuses. Say things like ‘thank you,’ ‘I love you,’ ‘I appreciate your hard work,’ and ‘You mean so much to me.’
When I close my eyes and prepare to blow out the candles on my birthday cake, I won’t just be making a wish. I’ll be taking a moment to appreciate my life, and all of the wonderful, beautiful, people and things that make it all worthwhile.
Dear Bee and Verica,
Thanks for time spent and the trouble of celebrating my birthday with me. Love you guys always. Don't cry now, more to come...
"The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." - Alexander Chalmers
Nanny, it's my birthday today... I hope you would be able to hear my wishes..
Cold night, London
I remember when I was young, I used to celebrate my birthday with my family, relatives and close friends, wonderful dinner and beautiful bespoke cake. Since 3 years back, I never have time for my birthday, my family thought that I would celebrate my birthday with friends. Last year, I was on a work trip alone on my birthday. Kris was in town with Elsie and we decided to meet up and we celebrated my birthday in a Italian restaurant. I still remember that day wasn't a good moment for me due to the problems that I had in work and health issues that was bugging me all the time. A lot has changed in the past year or so, for better and worse. Change has touched every aspect of my life, from family and friends, to where I live and work. It’s been a year of loss, anger, sadness, fear and pain. Sometimes a lot of bad things happen at once. There will be times when we feel like the whole world is against us, and things can’t possibly get any worse…and then they will. But, the thing is, there’s always someone, somewhere, who is worse off than we are, as hard as that may be to believe. Putting things in perspective is incredibly powerful. All of this change has caused me to change as well. I’ve learned that we have two choices when it comes to facing life’s obstacles: let them defeat you, or take the opportunity to learn and grow. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, the most difficult experiences of the past year have taught me a lot about myself and made me appreciate all that I have.
This year is no exception, I have too many losses this year. I'm afraid that I couldn't take this any longer. I tried not to upset the people around me especially my room mate, Verica and a good friend that I have made in the hostel, Bee. They have been planning so much how to make my birthday special and meaningful to me since 3 weeks ago, trying to create surpises and secretly plan some itinerary but I do know exactly what they're trying to do for me. I know they want the best for me, wanting me to enjoy my remaining stays here as much as possible, leaving London only with good memories and no tears. It's hard for me to put up a mask some times that I would just stay in my room and wish that I do not have to talk to anyone.
I realized that life is a precious gift. It is beautiful and fulfilling, frustrating and exciting, but it is also unpredictable. So, make every moment count, and don’t take anything or anyone for granted. Stop making excuses. Say things like ‘thank you,’ ‘I love you,’ ‘I appreciate your hard work,’ and ‘You mean so much to me.’
When I close my eyes and prepare to blow out the candles on my birthday cake, I won’t just be making a wish. I’ll be taking a moment to appreciate my life, and all of the wonderful, beautiful, people and things that make it all worthwhile.
Dear Bee and Verica,
Thanks for time spent and the trouble of celebrating my birthday with me. Love you guys always. Don't cry now, more to come...
"The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." - Alexander Chalmers
Nanny, it's my birthday today... I hope you would be able to hear my wishes..
10 September, 2009
Smile... For Me..
You roar at me, I look at you
You climb in bed, I held your hand
You smile at me, I kiss your hand
You fall asleep, the night has peaked
Glance around... Don't make a sound
Laugh away, these crazy days
Please don't frown, I don't want you down
Hold you tight, when your full of fright
Never out of sight, you're my light
See you walking, laughing and talking
Didn't think it's real, life can make things a wonderful meal
Sometimes things seem so wrong, but that doesn't last long
Just give me a hug, I'll give your hand a tug
Its cute when you pout, you put a plane in my coat
Made my day, please don't go away
I'll always be here, just take a peer
Here in my hood, feeling pretty good
When your feeling dim, just find me
I hope I can make you grin....
“Love is when you shed a tear and still want him, it's when he ignores you and you still love him, it's when he loves another girl but you still smile and say I'm happy for you, when all you really do is cry.”
08 September, 2009
True Friends...
5.1opm, 7th of September, 2oo9
Cloudy and calm day, London
We have all had a friend who turned out to “not” be a friend due to their own personal gain. Right? I know I have. One friendship comes to mind when I think about self-serving friends. It’s still rather fresh to me so I know it well and remember it even better.
I am always very open to making new friends. I find new friendships to be interesting like all new relationships. I know that and I am comforted in that. But we all get wrapped up in the “newness” of the start of a friendship. I have seen the transition from smiles and laughter to cursing and evil looks. I just realized that an opportunistic friend can turn into a foe overnight. I once have a friend, we laughed a lot finding common ground with our quirkiness. We did become good friends fast. Within a year, I had invested a lot of time and emotion as a friend to her. I listened to all of her problems until I could recite them all frontwards and backwards. She had moodswings and she always had self absorbed moments….many... And, she is always there for me whenever I need her. But things happened recently and from here, I can see clearly how friendship form and gone in just a minute. What a shame it is…. but it’s true. I have learned a valuable lesson through this all, which is, never to take your friends for granted, and NEVER dump a true friend just to get ahead at something. It is just no worth it. It’s certainly an eye opener about what is truly important in life. We are all different and that is okay.
In these 5 months here in London, a very precious experience crossed my life. It's called true friends.. The people who listen to my problems without casting judgement, never afraid to tell you like it is. They know when to say no, they never flop me. They are very supportive of all I do. They are always there to dry my weeping eyes. We argue, fuss and fight but they're always be there for me. They forgive for your shortcomings, they come to your aid no matter what time of day it is. They know enough is enough. A true friend will be by your side when you need them the most! They don't know my past but they believe me with their instinct and heart!
I never expect myself to have close friends like this in just 5 months, we're like sisters now..!
And of course, I know there are people who I treasure back in Malaysia, ready to greet me with smile and appointments set to meet up. I'm happy to hear all the influencing words from far, encouragement with no doubt and the most important thing, the trust that they still have in me...
Love you guys!
Cloudy and calm day, London
We have all had a friend who turned out to “not” be a friend due to their own personal gain. Right? I know I have. One friendship comes to mind when I think about self-serving friends. It’s still rather fresh to me so I know it well and remember it even better.
I am always very open to making new friends. I find new friendships to be interesting like all new relationships. I know that and I am comforted in that. But we all get wrapped up in the “newness” of the start of a friendship. I have seen the transition from smiles and laughter to cursing and evil looks. I just realized that an opportunistic friend can turn into a foe overnight. I once have a friend, we laughed a lot finding common ground with our quirkiness. We did become good friends fast. Within a year, I had invested a lot of time and emotion as a friend to her. I listened to all of her problems until I could recite them all frontwards and backwards. She had moodswings and she always had self absorbed moments….many... And, she is always there for me whenever I need her. But things happened recently and from here, I can see clearly how friendship form and gone in just a minute. What a shame it is…. but it’s true. I have learned a valuable lesson through this all, which is, never to take your friends for granted, and NEVER dump a true friend just to get ahead at something. It is just no worth it. It’s certainly an eye opener about what is truly important in life. We are all different and that is okay.
In these 5 months here in London, a very precious experience crossed my life. It's called true friends.. The people who listen to my problems without casting judgement, never afraid to tell you like it is. They know when to say no, they never flop me. They are very supportive of all I do. They are always there to dry my weeping eyes. We argue, fuss and fight but they're always be there for me. They forgive for your shortcomings, they come to your aid no matter what time of day it is. They know enough is enough. A true friend will be by your side when you need them the most! They don't know my past but they believe me with their instinct and heart!
I never expect myself to have close friends like this in just 5 months, we're like sisters now..!
And of course, I know there are people who I treasure back in Malaysia, ready to greet me with smile and appointments set to meet up. I'm happy to hear all the influencing words from far, encouragement with no doubt and the most important thing, the trust that they still have in me...
Love you guys!
26 August, 2009
Pictures from Brighton...
Pics taken on the 14th of August 2oo9
Breezy Summer, Brighton
Bee!!! Thanks for the company......
Breezy Summer, Brighton
Bee!!! Thanks for the company......
"If You Want The Rainbow, You Have To Put Up With A Little Rain"
26th August 2oo9,
3.10am, breezy night, London
Me and Verica posted this quote today. It's from Dolly Parton...
I've finally did what needs to be done, clear the things that needs to be cleared. Clean my heart once again, every decision that needs to be made hurt me so much. Insomnia and pain attack revisit. I took the instant solution as usual. Here comes the storms....
One thing is always consistent during my storm troubles... I really look forward to the rainbow. I hold on for the headache to go, the sun to come out and the little extra energy to show up after being so exhausted the previous days. I begin to feel like I'm starting over, starting fresh... like I've been granted a reprieve from something worse than my normal self, which suddenly makes the normal not seem so bad.
Do me a favor and remind yourself of this the next time you have to go through a rainy season: There's nowhere to go but through it. Whether that means you have to white knuckle it or maybe be cuddled a little on your way through, I promise if you keep plugging away to the other side the sun will come out and the blessing will be there. God promised you the rainbow. And He promised to be right there with you in the center of the storm. All you have to do is put up with the rain. I'm not a religious person but I did tried my best to put myself up together once again. He decide the rest.........
I don't know how to write this post. This is going to come out all awkward and jumpy. I guess my writing takes after me?
So yesterday there was one of those moments where all you really need is someone to listen to you spaz or someone to talk to you about anything before you absolutely lose it.
I was pretty much having my breakdown and thinking that I should just shut myself and cry in bed. I didn't want to send out SOS via text.
But within 20 seconds, there was a knock on my door, and there she was , Bee, waiting to hear about my problem. And later, my roommate Verica, whom I treat much like a sister now, here ready to listen to my spazzing. I felt much better after. Much....
And you know what? I can't believe I'm so lucky to have friends like you. So thank you dearestt. I love you guys..... :)
I'm lucky to have YOU too...
3.10am, breezy night, London
Me and Verica posted this quote today. It's from Dolly Parton...
I've finally did what needs to be done, clear the things that needs to be cleared. Clean my heart once again, every decision that needs to be made hurt me so much. Insomnia and pain attack revisit. I took the instant solution as usual. Here comes the storms....
One thing is always consistent during my storm troubles... I really look forward to the rainbow. I hold on for the headache to go, the sun to come out and the little extra energy to show up after being so exhausted the previous days. I begin to feel like I'm starting over, starting fresh... like I've been granted a reprieve from something worse than my normal self, which suddenly makes the normal not seem so bad.
Do me a favor and remind yourself of this the next time you have to go through a rainy season: There's nowhere to go but through it. Whether that means you have to white knuckle it or maybe be cuddled a little on your way through, I promise if you keep plugging away to the other side the sun will come out and the blessing will be there. God promised you the rainbow. And He promised to be right there with you in the center of the storm. All you have to do is put up with the rain. I'm not a religious person but I did tried my best to put myself up together once again. He decide the rest.........
I don't know how to write this post. This is going to come out all awkward and jumpy. I guess my writing takes after me?
So yesterday there was one of those moments where all you really need is someone to listen to you spaz or someone to talk to you about anything before you absolutely lose it.
I was pretty much having my breakdown and thinking that I should just shut myself and cry in bed. I didn't want to send out SOS via text.
But within 20 seconds, there was a knock on my door, and there she was , Bee, waiting to hear about my problem. And later, my roommate Verica, whom I treat much like a sister now, here ready to listen to my spazzing. I felt much better after. Much....
And you know what? I can't believe I'm so lucky to have friends like you. So thank you dearestt. I love you guys..... :)
I'm lucky to have YOU too...
24 August, 2009
Eeyore or.... Tigger!!!!
24th, August 2oo9, Summer
4.18pm, London, Sunny day
Few months back, I was recommended by a friend to watch a clip titled Achieving Your Childhood's Dream, the last lecture by Randy Pausch. Why is this worth watching? Watch it. I think you will come away from it with some good advice that will impact your business and personal life. This is what I get out of it:
1. Getting good things, achieving dreams requires HARD WORK. A successful company isn’t successful just because it sells a great new idea. It is successful because PEOPLE made it that. People worked hard and poured their blood, sweat, and tears into.
2. Your attitude makes all the difference. Do you choose to be a Tigger or an Eeyore? A Tigger is curious, optimistic, energetic, and have fun. These traits will always help you get ahead.
3. People are ALWAYS more important than things. A company that treats people like things, a company that doesn’t put it’s people first, is a company that will have problems. Its a lot easier to be successful if you have good people behind you. The way to get good people behind you is to treat them like good people.
4. When you do something wrong apologize and figure out how to fix it. I find if I own up to my mistakes quickly, and ask for an apology I get much more help to make things right.
So, you wanna be an EeyOre Or TiGgErrRRr!!!
I would love to be an Eeyore sometimes.. depends on the situation, I'm a girl after all... =P
Check out Randy Pausch's The Last Lecture at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo
Good day! =)
4.18pm, London, Sunny day
Few months back, I was recommended by a friend to watch a clip titled Achieving Your Childhood's Dream, the last lecture by Randy Pausch. Why is this worth watching? Watch it. I think you will come away from it with some good advice that will impact your business and personal life. This is what I get out of it:
1. Getting good things, achieving dreams requires HARD WORK. A successful company isn’t successful just because it sells a great new idea. It is successful because PEOPLE made it that. People worked hard and poured their blood, sweat, and tears into.
2. Your attitude makes all the difference. Do you choose to be a Tigger or an Eeyore? A Tigger is curious, optimistic, energetic, and have fun. These traits will always help you get ahead.
3. People are ALWAYS more important than things. A company that treats people like things, a company that doesn’t put it’s people first, is a company that will have problems. Its a lot easier to be successful if you have good people behind you. The way to get good people behind you is to treat them like good people.
4. When you do something wrong apologize and figure out how to fix it. I find if I own up to my mistakes quickly, and ask for an apology I get much more help to make things right.
So, you wanna be an EeyOre Or TiGgErrRRr!!!
I would love to be an Eeyore sometimes.. depends on the situation, I'm a girl after all... =P
Check out Randy Pausch's The Last Lecture at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo
Good day! =)
24 July, 2009
I'm a giver, always a giver..
2.51am, 24th July 2oo9
London, Rainy day
I am an ultimate giver, and I like it that way. I'd rather be known as a person who gives than one who takes. A few of the people in my life are takers, and that way of life seems to work for them. Yes, life gets lopsided from time to time. My feelings get hurt when I am slighted, or forgotten, but to me, giving feels better than receiving.
What I have learned of takers, is the more a giver gives, the more a taker expects. Where two givers bend over backwards for each other, two takers enter the boxing arena daily.
Do I seem a tad bitter from my decades of giving? Well it's only a moment of estrogen infusion, I'll be back to my giving self within a minute or two of writing this post. After all, I said I was a giver not a blatant fool.
So where as givers enjoy giving, I must wonder does a taker enjoy taking? Of course.
For me I rather be a giver, because it makes me feel good, disappointments and all. Perhaps I have my moments with self esteem. Don't we all? When I'm giving, I'm not overcompensating or attempting to win someone over. I just like giving plain and simple. Personality labels are sewn on from childhood with threads too thick to break. A giver versus a taker in life's arena generally end up on a one-way street to married to each other. Now there's a road this giver rather not take.
I am easily happy for people who finally achieved what they need to achieve, what they have been craving for. That is because I believe that it is very important to get what you want out of life. To be able to achieve your dream.
I was once in the position, I was once fighting for what I wanted in life, my dream career. I've been through the thick and thin. Stop asking me why am I doing all these... It's not a big favor from me but I hope they do help you a bit..
I'm happy for you... Now, your real world has begin!
Are you the Giver?
The Givers- They are people who give from their hearts without thinking of him or herself or what they will have to give up or what they will do without because of others. They expect nothing in return. Not a thank you or a pat on the back not a good job or endless praise for what they have done.
They give without string without malice without thinking of what is in it for me. They simply fade into the shadows of our life and we don't even know they are there until we need something. Then they are always the first person we call. Without realizing it, we have taken advice or money or emotions from them and then we are on our merry way until the next crises. Their wells overflow with love and joy and are easily accepted at all gathers. They walk through the door with a smile that radiates love and warmth. They attract people like magnets because there cup overflows and everyone wants to touch the love that feels so close to heaven. They are always so positive and upbeat they can change the atmosphere in room instantly. Hardly ever does a bad word escape their lips without instant regret for injury they have cause another. When they leave, you feel happy and joyous of their visit and it may linger for a time if it's not stomped out by the takers. They have changed people's life for the better and then are blessed for being a true child of God...
London, Rainy day
I am an ultimate giver, and I like it that way. I'd rather be known as a person who gives than one who takes. A few of the people in my life are takers, and that way of life seems to work for them. Yes, life gets lopsided from time to time. My feelings get hurt when I am slighted, or forgotten, but to me, giving feels better than receiving.
What I have learned of takers, is the more a giver gives, the more a taker expects. Where two givers bend over backwards for each other, two takers enter the boxing arena daily.
Do I seem a tad bitter from my decades of giving? Well it's only a moment of estrogen infusion, I'll be back to my giving self within a minute or two of writing this post. After all, I said I was a giver not a blatant fool.
So where as givers enjoy giving, I must wonder does a taker enjoy taking? Of course.
For me I rather be a giver, because it makes me feel good, disappointments and all. Perhaps I have my moments with self esteem. Don't we all? When I'm giving, I'm not overcompensating or attempting to win someone over. I just like giving plain and simple. Personality labels are sewn on from childhood with threads too thick to break. A giver versus a taker in life's arena generally end up on a one-way street to married to each other. Now there's a road this giver rather not take.
I am easily happy for people who finally achieved what they need to achieve, what they have been craving for. That is because I believe that it is very important to get what you want out of life. To be able to achieve your dream.
I was once in the position, I was once fighting for what I wanted in life, my dream career. I've been through the thick and thin. Stop asking me why am I doing all these... It's not a big favor from me but I hope they do help you a bit..
I'm happy for you... Now, your real world has begin!
Are you the Giver?
The Givers- They are people who give from their hearts without thinking of him or herself or what they will have to give up or what they will do without because of others. They expect nothing in return. Not a thank you or a pat on the back not a good job or endless praise for what they have done.
They give without string without malice without thinking of what is in it for me. They simply fade into the shadows of our life and we don't even know they are there until we need something. Then they are always the first person we call. Without realizing it, we have taken advice or money or emotions from them and then we are on our merry way until the next crises. Their wells overflow with love and joy and are easily accepted at all gathers. They walk through the door with a smile that radiates love and warmth. They attract people like magnets because there cup overflows and everyone wants to touch the love that feels so close to heaven. They are always so positive and upbeat they can change the atmosphere in room instantly. Hardly ever does a bad word escape their lips without instant regret for injury they have cause another. When they leave, you feel happy and joyous of their visit and it may linger for a time if it's not stomped out by the takers. They have changed people's life for the better and then are blessed for being a true child of God...
22 July, 2009
27th June 2009, a miserable day in London...
11.41pm, 21st July 2oo9,
London, Rainy day.
The day when I felt a lil bit of weirdness in my mind, body and heart. Was it because my exams' coming soon? Or is it because of the confession that I have heard? I know I was touched by the words. I just can't resist but to fall in love more and more each day. From day one, I know this relationship is not going anywhere and it will not lead to any good ending.
To be honest, the first two weeks wasn't cool for me. I'm not the kinda person who pushes everything really hard. I hate pressures and tension. I assumed no one likes to be pressured anyway. I was living low and feeling small even now, This is how I was brought up, being taught by three beautiful ladies around me,
My mum, a tough woman who fixes everything herself without anyone's help. She would not say a single word or show any sign even she's in deep pain.
My godmum, she's the lady with full of classy and elegant lifestyle. She's much more like a sister to me. I stay with my godparents on and off now and then.
And my beloved nanny, a peaceful, warm and graceful woman. I have mentioned about her in my second post.
** I guess I just have to remind myself again and again every single day not to be drowned by this..
Pluuff.... Just because of my stupidity, I deserve the pain.. Time heals..
Love ya, nanny! Day 185
London, Rainy day.
The day when I felt a lil bit of weirdness in my mind, body and heart. Was it because my exams' coming soon? Or is it because of the confession that I have heard? I know I was touched by the words. I just can't resist but to fall in love more and more each day. From day one, I know this relationship is not going anywhere and it will not lead to any good ending.
To be honest, the first two weeks wasn't cool for me. I'm not the kinda person who pushes everything really hard. I hate pressures and tension. I assumed no one likes to be pressured anyway. I was living low and feeling small even now, This is how I was brought up, being taught by three beautiful ladies around me,
My mum, a tough woman who fixes everything herself without anyone's help. She would not say a single word or show any sign even she's in deep pain.
My godmum, she's the lady with full of classy and elegant lifestyle. She's much more like a sister to me. I stay with my godparents on and off now and then.
And my beloved nanny, a peaceful, warm and graceful woman. I have mentioned about her in my second post.
** I guess I just have to remind myself again and again every single day not to be drowned by this..
Pluuff.... Just because of my stupidity, I deserve the pain.. Time heals..
Love ya, nanny! Day 185
28 January, 2009
Rest In Peace Nanny..... (1945 - Jan.18th.2009)
It has been 11 days now since I have last see you. I miss you Nanny.. the days are different and sometimes long without you. Thankfully. the warmth and the love that has supported us, mothered us, directed us and reassured us did not come from your body. I know that it came from your soul. Because I still feel it. I can still hear it in your voice that comes to me telling me, " Mei, everything is going to be all right," and just as in life, I have to believe you nanny, because you were always right in life.
I would like to tell you little bit about my relationship with my nanny whom I loved more than anyone on this Earth. But first of all, her physical beauty. She was a true lady and carried herself with grace. Her sweet smile and gentle touch is the memory that I have imbedded in my mind. She was always there for me when I needed her. I used to run to her and sleepover at her place when I had a fight with my parents or I'm sad. She was my best listener and I used to call her Mama when I was really young. I still remember dad said that I have to get good grades in order to stay over at Nanny's place during school break. I cried every time I have to leave her house and get back to school even though her house is just 10 minutes away from my house. Is just her voice, her hugs and her smile that I'll miss. I stopped staying at her place so often when I was in Form 5. Can you guys imagine? From full moon till 17 years old.....
There are so many things I can't take back, and I never got a chance to say goodbye. Everything just happened too fast. I didn't call her her as often as I should, visit her as often as I should.... but I hope she knows that I loved her..
People are coming to me and telling me that Nanny was the nicest person and didn't have a mean bone in her body. This is true. As we were setting up for services and looking for her solo pictures, I noticed how odd the solo pictures of her looked. My nanny looked more like herself surrounded by pictures of her family, for this is how she defined her life.
You know they say," A mother holds their child's hand for a short time yet their hearts forever. I love you and will miss you more as times goes on.
Love you always,
Mei...
I would like to tell you little bit about my relationship with my nanny whom I loved more than anyone on this Earth. But first of all, her physical beauty. She was a true lady and carried herself with grace. Her sweet smile and gentle touch is the memory that I have imbedded in my mind. She was always there for me when I needed her. I used to run to her and sleepover at her place when I had a fight with my parents or I'm sad. She was my best listener and I used to call her Mama when I was really young. I still remember dad said that I have to get good grades in order to stay over at Nanny's place during school break. I cried every time I have to leave her house and get back to school even though her house is just 10 minutes away from my house. Is just her voice, her hugs and her smile that I'll miss. I stopped staying at her place so often when I was in Form 5. Can you guys imagine? From full moon till 17 years old.....
There are so many things I can't take back, and I never got a chance to say goodbye. Everything just happened too fast. I didn't call her her as often as I should, visit her as often as I should.... but I hope she knows that I loved her..
People are coming to me and telling me that Nanny was the nicest person and didn't have a mean bone in her body. This is true. As we were setting up for services and looking for her solo pictures, I noticed how odd the solo pictures of her looked. My nanny looked more like herself surrounded by pictures of her family, for this is how she defined her life.
You know they say," A mother holds their child's hand for a short time yet their hearts forever. I love you and will miss you more as times goes on.
Love you always,
Mei...
02 January, 2009
01 January, 2009
Looking Back... 2008
What I have gone through in the last 8 months has been crazy and painful! And I couldn't have made it through it all without the amazing support and love of my friends and colleagues. I wouldn't be where I am now if it weren't for all of you. You really find out who loves you when you need them the most.
First~ My boss, Dennis Thean! Wow, what can I say about him? He's amazing. He has taught me many things and many of them I have learned through watching him. I have learned determination, dignity and strength. He has shown me that I have to pull myself up by my bootstraps. He has listened to me and given me so much advice. He has taught me how to handle tough situations with grace and dignity.
Steph~ I can't believe that we went through all of this together. What we went through only made us closer and our bond stronger. Thanks for being my friend and one of my protectors. Thanks for making me laugh through all my tears. You've been there when I needed you. You told me the truth and didn't judge me when I made my decision and you still stood by my side. You comforted me when I told you everything. You were a shoulder to cry on. You told me that I was strong. You told me that I deserved better! That means a lot to me...
Joanne, Fiona & Louisa~ Thanks for all the laughs. Thanks for the nights out, thanks for the comfort and the listening. Thanks for telling me that everything was going to be okay. Love the coffee and meringue session with you guys! =)
Uncle Patrick, Kris, Louis~ Thanks for listening to me. Thanks for all the fabulous advice. I can't even being to try and count how many times you have listened to me. Thanks for all the wonderful words and support and love.
Macy~ Thanks for being understanding and thanks for bearing with my tight schedule, my disorganization and clumsiness!
It was the most very painful experience I ever had. Thanks for telling me that we can made lemonade out of the lemon given!
Your supports and trust meant a lot to me...
Dennis L~ Heehee... Well, thanks for cracking stupid jokes... they ease my pain and worries.. at least for that moment!
And thanks to anyone else that I did not name. There have been so many people that have loved and supported me. It's hard to name everyone! I'll never forget how everyone has touched me, my heart and soul with the love & support Everyone is just simply beautiful.
First~ My boss, Dennis Thean! Wow, what can I say about him? He's amazing. He has taught me many things and many of them I have learned through watching him. I have learned determination, dignity and strength. He has shown me that I have to pull myself up by my bootstraps. He has listened to me and given me so much advice. He has taught me how to handle tough situations with grace and dignity.
Steph~ I can't believe that we went through all of this together. What we went through only made us closer and our bond stronger. Thanks for being my friend and one of my protectors. Thanks for making me laugh through all my tears. You've been there when I needed you. You told me the truth and didn't judge me when I made my decision and you still stood by my side. You comforted me when I told you everything. You were a shoulder to cry on. You told me that I was strong. You told me that I deserved better! That means a lot to me...
Joanne, Fiona & Louisa~ Thanks for all the laughs. Thanks for the nights out, thanks for the comfort and the listening. Thanks for telling me that everything was going to be okay. Love the coffee and meringue session with you guys! =)
Uncle Patrick, Kris, Louis~ Thanks for listening to me. Thanks for all the fabulous advice. I can't even being to try and count how many times you have listened to me. Thanks for all the wonderful words and support and love.
Macy~ Thanks for being understanding and thanks for bearing with my tight schedule, my disorganization and clumsiness!
It was the most very painful experience I ever had. Thanks for telling me that we can made lemonade out of the lemon given!
Your supports and trust meant a lot to me...
Dennis L~ Heehee... Well, thanks for cracking stupid jokes... they ease my pain and worries.. at least for that moment!
And thanks to anyone else that I did not name. There have been so many people that have loved and supported me. It's hard to name everyone! I'll never forget how everyone has touched me, my heart and soul with the love & support Everyone is just simply beautiful.
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