1.33am, 14th September 2oo9
Cold night, London
I remember when I was young, I used to celebrate my birthday with my family, relatives and close friends, wonderful dinner and beautiful bespoke cake. Since 3 years back, I never have time for my birthday, my family thought that I would celebrate my birthday with friends. Last year, I was on a work trip alone on my birthday. Kris was in town with Elsie and we decided to meet up and we celebrated my birthday in a Italian restaurant. I still remember that day wasn't a good moment for me due to the problems that I had in work and health issues that was bugging me all the time. A lot has changed in the past year or so, for better and worse. Change has touched every aspect of my life, from family and friends, to where I live and work. It’s been a year of loss, anger, sadness, fear and pain. Sometimes a lot of bad things happen at once. There will be times when we feel like the whole world is against us, and things can’t possibly get any worse…and then they will. But, the thing is, there’s always someone, somewhere, who is worse off than we are, as hard as that may be to believe. Putting things in perspective is incredibly powerful. All of this change has caused me to change as well. I’ve learned that we have two choices when it comes to facing life’s obstacles: let them defeat you, or take the opportunity to learn and grow. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, the most difficult experiences of the past year have taught me a lot about myself and made me appreciate all that I have.
This year is no exception, I have too many losses this year. I'm afraid that I couldn't take this any longer. I tried not to upset the people around me especially my room mate, Verica and a good friend that I have made in the hostel, Bee. They have been planning so much how to make my birthday special and meaningful to me since 3 weeks ago, trying to create surpises and secretly plan some itinerary but I do know exactly what they're trying to do for me. I know they want the best for me, wanting me to enjoy my remaining stays here as much as possible, leaving London only with good memories and no tears. It's hard for me to put up a mask some times that I would just stay in my room and wish that I do not have to talk to anyone.
I realized that life is a precious gift. It is beautiful and fulfilling, frustrating and exciting, but it is also unpredictable. So, make every moment count, and don’t take anything or anyone for granted. Stop making excuses. Say things like ‘thank you,’ ‘I love you,’ ‘I appreciate your hard work,’ and ‘You mean so much to me.’
When I close my eyes and prepare to blow out the candles on my birthday cake, I won’t just be making a wish. I’ll be taking a moment to appreciate my life, and all of the wonderful, beautiful, people and things that make it all worthwhile.
Dear Bee and Verica,
Thanks for time spent and the trouble of celebrating my birthday with me. Love you guys always. Don't cry now, more to come...
"The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." - Alexander Chalmers
Nanny, it's my birthday today... I hope you would be able to hear my wishes..
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